Passing Notes No Siriusly
by Atlantis Blakes
Summary: Passing notes in class can lead to some trouble, especially when one of your friends is acting really weird...COMPLETE!
1. Herbology

Passing Notes… No, Siriusly  
  
Herbology  
  
Peter: What is up, Homie?  
  
Sirius: Are you talking to me?  
  
Peter: …That's kinda what it means when one is passed a note…  
  
Sirius: Remus! Peter's trying to be cool!  
  
Remus: Who am I? Your father?  
  
Sirius: Da-da makes goo-goo eyes NO WAIT! make that puppy-dog eyes  
  
James: Wait… Lupin, you can't be Sirius's dad… 1) you're not old enough, 2) you don't hate muggles, 3)--  
  
Sirius: Prongs! We get the point! It was just a joke in the first place…  
  
Peter: So, Prongs, G-dawg, how's it goin' with yo lady Lily?  
  
Sirius: Oh, CRAP! I was so concerned with Remus being my father I forgot about the matter at hand! James, Peter's trying to be cool!  
  
James: …wait, I can't read your writing… who's trying to what?  
  
Sirius: Focus, Prongsy, boy! That's beside the point! Look at him!   
  
James: Who?  
  
Remus: PETER! HE'S WEARING SUNGLASSES! OH MY GAWD!  
  
James: Oh, yeah, I told him to; said it would make him look cool.  
  
Sirius: Are you mad?! What the crap did you do that for?! He looks like a fat gorilla with the gawdawful style of… well, of you!  
  
James: I don't have bad style… Remus likes it, don't you Moony?  
  
Remus: Well, uh, of course, James… Of course! It's really awesome!  
  
James: huge gasp YOU DON'T LIKE IT! YOU HATE IT, DON'T YOU?! ANSWER ME!  
  
Remus: meep What do I do, Sirius? What do I do?  
  
Sirius: I dunno… why're you asking me?  
  
Remus: YOU'RE HIS BEST FRIEND! DO SOMETHING!  
  
James: You don't like anything I've given you, do you?  
  
Sirius: I'VE GOT IT! Tell him you really liked that purple flamingo he gave you for Christmas.  
  
Remus: I can't lie to the man!   
  
Sirius: 'Course you can!  
  
Remus: Fine… James, I liked the purple flamingo you gave me for Christmas.  
  
James: …Sirius gave you that…  
  
Sirius: Why don't you like Prudence the Purple Flamingo, Remus, why? I stubbed my toe trying to teach her to do the Flamenco, after learning to do it myself.  
  
Peter: You know how to dance? Whatever. C'mon, James, we're too cool for Herbology.  
  
James: feeling smug As right as you are, I don't have a way out of class today, sorry.  
  
Peter: Really? What's wrong with you legs?  
  
James: You mean… just walk out of class like we own the place? Man, Wormtail, even I've got to admit, that's pretty good…  
  
Sirius: Prudence is more-- …whoa, Peter, you made James admit he's second banana material… 


	2. Potions

Passing Notes… No, Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Chapter two!!!! I survived!!! First chapter was really weird right? I'm afraid this one doesn't get any better, so if you didn't like it before, you probably won't like it now.  
  
Potions  
  
Peter: How about we ditch this class, Prongs?  
  
James: You don't think we'd die when McAlester catches us? You don't think he'll string us from the ceiling?  
  
Peter: Tch, who cares?  
  
James: Oh… well…  
  
Peter: C'mon, James… unless you're chicken…  
  
James: Of course, I'm not! Let's go, Wormtail!  
  
Sirius: Omigosh, Remus! I think they're gonna do it! I think they're gonna leave! I think James's gawdawful bad style has leaked into Peter's peanut brain!  
  
Remus: James wouldn't do that; not in this class… He's not that big of a fool… is he?  
  
Sirius: Um… Remus, they've stood up… they're waking away… Attention, folks, James and Peter have left the building…  
  
Remus: They left… they really left…  
  
Sirius: Oh well, now we can get back to more… Sirius conversations… MUAHAHA! dies laughing  
  
Remus: quizzical look Like?  
  
Sirius: Why don't you like the flamingo?  
  
Remus: Would you give up on it? No one ever liked that stupid FLAMINGO!  
  
Sirius: James did… he thought it was hilarious…  
  
Remus: Well, James isn't here right now, is he?  
  
Sirius: No, he's off running around with-- OH GAWD! PETER'S TAKEN MY PLACE!  
  
Remus: Stop passing the note; McAlester's looking our way.  
  
Sirius: He's too busy wondering where my ex-best friend and that fat, style-less gorilla went.  
  
Remus: STOP PASSING THE NOTE! HE'S COMING OUR WAY!  
  
Sirius: He won't noti-- 


	3. History of Magic

Passing Notes… No Siriusly  
  
A/N: My new chapter! I'm having a lot of fun with this and I hope all of you are having fun reading it!   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
History of Magic  
  
James: Did you miss us?  
  
Peter: Yeah, dawgs…  
  
Remus: Where did you two go?  
  
James: We went to the Quidditch Pitch, flew around a bit… why?  
  
Remus: We got detention for not knowing. McAlester just kept asking. I guess he didn't see you leave while he wrote on the board…  
  
Sirius: He's dumb for a teacher. I guess he doesn't really have eyes in the back of his head like he says.  
  
James: Yeah, I suspected as much.  
  
Sirius: Ahem, this is my paper and therefore only transferable betwixt my friends and I.  
  
James: What did I do?  
  
Sirius: You replaced me with the new pop star over there.   
  
James: What? Replaced you? No…   
  
Sirius: Yeah, so now only Remus and I can use this paper because I'm replacing you with him.  
  
Remus: What? Why?  
  
Sirius: Because you're my runner-up best friend.  
  
Remus: No, I meant why me, God, why me!?  
  
Sirius: … Whatever. So later do you want to go throw moldy refried beans on Slytherins?  
  
Remus: Why?  
  
Sirius: To watch them cringe. I figure from what you did in Potions you'll make an O.K. prankster.  
  
Peter: Naw, dude, you're looking for someone like me; not some bookish nerd like Lupin, right?  
  
Sirius: Stop trying to be cool, Nuts-for-Brains, it's against Marauder Code Number Seven; Besides Remus is my new best friend!… Right?  
  
Remus: Well, after what Wormtail said, sure.  
  
Sirius: I thought you'd see it my way!  
  
James: Wait a minute, what did Remus do in Potions?  
  
Sirius: He was angry because of the detention and as soon as McAlester turned away from us, he wadded up the pink slip and threw it at the back of McAlester's head. Now, get your own paper, "dawg".  
  
Remus: And after we throw refried beans at the Slytherins, do you want to tease the Prefects into thinking they've all failed?  
  
Sirius: hmmm… nice. Remus, old friend, this just might be the start of a beautiful best friendship.  
  
A/N: Please Review!  
  
P.S. Diamond004, I will try to answer your questions next chapter! These several I had had prewritten. 


	4. Transfiguration the next day

Passing Notes… No, Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Thanks for all of the great reviews, although I think they're starting to go to my head (lol!). Anyway, part of the next two chapters might seem a little more siriu… I mean, serious, but I hope you all can forgive me! I've tried to put in as much humor as I found possible!  
  
Transfiguration (the next day)  
  
Sirius: That was awesome yesterday evening! Those Slytherins cringed like mad!  
  
Remus: The best part was when we got Snape!  
  
Sirius: And then your Speech Charm! Lestrange looked like a blubbering fool!  
  
James: What are you passing this note so excitedly about?  
  
Remus: Yesterday we covered Slytherins in refried beans.  
  
James: But Sirius and I were supposed to do that together!  
  
Sirius: Ahem, my paper?  
  
James: How did it go with the Slytherins?  
  
Sirius: It went well; actually that's an understatement, it went awesome!   
  
James: Really? That rocks!  
  
Sirius: Yeah, Snape got it all down his shirt and it was swimming in that organism on his hair!  
  
James: MUAHAHA! (cackles evilly)  
  
Sirius: But we're not supposed to be talking about it because this is my paper and only Remus and I can use it.  
  
James: Oh, right…  
  
Remus: Give it up! You two obviously want to talk to each other!  
  
Sirius: Fine, but Wormtail can't use it.   
  
James: Really? You mean you like me again?   
  
Sirius: Of course! Well, moderately anyway…. You're on friend probation.  
  
Remus: Great!  
  
James: What about Peter?  
  
Sirius: No, I still hate him…. Speaking of him, what'd you do to his arm?  
  
James: His arm? Nothing, why?  
  
Sirius: He's rubbing his left arm pretty furiously.  
  
Remus: Maybe he has a rash or something. Anyway, are you two prepared for that Charms test?  
  
James: TEST?!  
  
Sirius: WHAT CHARMS TEST?!  
  
Remus: I'll take that as a 'no' then. The one Flitwick warned us about.  
  
Sirius: When was this?  
  
Remus: Last week, remember?  
  
James: It must have been the day that we skipped to prepare the Funk we put in Snivellus's undershorts.  
  
Remus: Funk?  
  
Sirius: Yeah! Vinegar, alcohol (medicinal), cream cheese (mold is optional), baking soda, raw egg yolks, ketchup, and garlic (for a worse stench) all mixed up!  
  
James: The cream cheese is the key ingredient!  
  
Remus: You'd think with your brains you two would have something better to do than cook up things like that…. (sigh)  
  
James: I think McGonagall saw you pass the note.  
  
Sirius: She's coming our way!  
  
Remus: Don't give the note to me! Put it under your book, Sirius!  
  
A/N: Beware of the Funk! LOL! Anyway, please review! (BTW, if you haven't noticed, anyway is my official word). 


	5. Divination

Passing Notes… No Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Okay, last time I said I was getting more serious… Here comes the most serious chapter yet! Be afraid… be very afraid… J… Oh, also, if you haven't read OotP, which I think almost everyone has, you might get confused reading this. It's not really a spoiler much, but you probably won't understand without reading the book.  
  
Divination  
  
James: I can't believe she read the note out loud.  
  
Sirius: Yeah, I know. Good thing Peter isn't in this class. Did you see the look on his face when McGonagall read the part about him?  
  
James: No, I was watching Snivellus in the corner. His face got all rigid and turned blood red when she read about the Funk.  
  
Remus: I saw him; he got pretty stiff, too.   
  
Sirius: Yeah, except he got awfully pale instead of red.  
  
James: It's just a rash; What's he on about?  
  
Sirius: I dunno; I've only seen Regulus get so upset over something like that.  
  
James: Why was he upset?  
  
Sirius: Just reasons.  
  
Remus: Don't you go all stiff on us, too!  
  
Sirius: Fine; the Death Eaters have Dark Marks on their left arms that burn when they're to gather, right?  
  
James: Right.  
  
Remus: Yeah.  
  
Sirius: Well, I figure if anyone's going to get so upset over something on their arm it must mean something about them. Regulus has been griping about his arm burning since the year before I left for James's house. I still see him complaining around here a lot….   
  
Remus: So?  
  
James: You're point?  
  
Sirius: I'm not saying this is what's with Peter, but I do think Regulus has been a Death Eater for about two and a half years now. I don't think Peter is.  
  
James: Why not?  
  
Sirius: Because Voldemort wouldn't want a pea-brain like him. Peter's nothing but another innocent victim to him!  
  
James: Sorry I asked.  
  
Sirius: Sorry; I'm just a little irritated… not at you, I promise….  
  
Remus: I think he's upset because of his brother.  
  
James: I don't blame him. I would be too.  
  
A/N: Sorry for the seriousness, but I promise more laughs in the next chapter! 


	6. Charms After the Test

Passing Notes… No Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Hello, everybody! I'm back to humor, just in case you wanted to know. This chapter (I think so anyway) is very funny. Hope you like it!  
  
Charms (After Test)  
  
James: Ack! I failed I think!  
  
Peter: Nah, not you, Prongsy!  
  
Sirius: What did you just call him?   
  
Peter: Prongsy?  
  
Sirius: NO! That's my nickname for him! You can't have it!  
  
Remus: Relax, Sirius, it's just a name; it's not like he's stealing a thousand galleons or something.  
  
James: Yeah, breathe, Padfoot, calm down. How d'you think you did?  
  
Sirius: Well, does this answer your question? 1/35  
  
James: You think you only missed one?  
  
Sirius: No, I think I missed thirty-four. I know I got the one about Uric the Oddball right and I may have gotten the one about the Asterothain. Hopefully I did; then I can at least have a total score of… 4/105  
  
Peter: Hah! I bet you got a 3! I probably got a 50!  
  
Remus: … You can't get a fifty on this test; only 48s or 51s.  
  
Peter: Why not?  
  
Sirius: Forget it; it's too mathematical.  
  
James: So, Peter, how's your rash?  
  
Peter: What? Oh, that green funky one on my shoulder? Or do you mean the purple fuzzy one on my back?  
  
James: ….  
  
Remus: No, the one on your left forearm.  
  
James: That was just a little too gross for me.  
  
Peter: Oh, that's not a rash.  
  
Sirius: What is it, then?  
  
Peter: A bug bite? I dunno. I'm no doctor.  
  
Sirius: Let me see it; I'm good at distinguishing between different bug bites.  
  
Peter: No…. I'll just have Madame Pomfrey look at it later….  
  
Sirius: But I'm really good at it!  
  
James: But do you know why?  
  
Sirius: Enlighten me, Oh-So-Gifted Professor  
  
James: It's because all the bugs in the world hate you and formed a conspiracy called: Operation Bite Bug Boy.  
  
Remus: …Well, that was different…  
  
Sirius: I'll say….  
  
A/N: I'll say, too… I have no clue where it came from either… Oh, I know!… It came… from the inner depths… (tear, tear)… of my heart…. 


	7. Muggle Studies

Passing Notes… No Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Sorry I didn't answer your questions, Diamond004. I just didn't think those things should be said right in the open, so I tried to hint at them subtly. The answer to both questions is yes. However, because they had no clue that Peter was with Voldemort and such a backstabber until they were older, I didn't think I could present that issue very vividly. Sorry for the subtlety. So, this is my new chapter, and if anyone was wondering what the Asterothain is from the last chapter, I'm working on another fan fiction that I will put up after this one that deals with that. Thanks to everyone for the reviews! Hope you find this chapter just as hilarious!  
  
Muggle Studies  
  
Remus: Wahoo! Today we're learning about computers!  
  
Sirius: What the crap is a computer?!  
  
James: Remus, if you're half and half why do you take this class?  
  
Remus: Because I know I can pass it.  
  
James: Oh, brother….  
  
Sirius: What the crap is a computer?!  
  
Remus: That's a computer, over there by Malfoy's big butt.  
  
James: Why did you have to point out the butt? Why, Remus, why?  
  
Remus: Because it was protruding…. (fake tears) I'm so sorry, James!  
  
Sirius: What kind of monster is that?   
  
Remus: It's not a monster; it's a machine.  
  
Sirius: Same difference.  
  
Remus: DIE, OXYMORONS, DIE!!!!  
  
James: Hey, I'm not an oxymoron.  
  
Sirius: What does a computer do?  
  
Remus: (heavy sigh) I didn't call you an oxymoron, James; it's a literal term. And you, Sirius, if you would pay attention, you might learn that.  
  
Sirius: (laughs) learn (more laughs) pay attention (choking laughter)  
  
James: (laughs)  
  
Remus: What's so funny?  
  
James: You think he's gonna pay attention. (laughs harder)  
  
Remus: It would be appreciated.  
  
Sirius: So?   
  
James: Pay attention; that was so funny, Moony!  
  
Remus: Well, he might learn something.  
  
Sirius: Aw, now don't get upset, Remus.  
  
James: Yeah, we're just kidding.  
  
Remus: Prove it. Pay attention all class period.  
  
James: Pay…  
  
Sirius: Attention?… (gasp)  
  
Remus: That's right.  
  
James: (groan) okay.  
  
Sirius: (yawn) fine, but attention is boring.  
  
Remus: Waha! My plan worked! Now I'm the Captain of the HMS Marauder! (evil laugh)  
  
Sirius: Are we each slowly going insane, one by one, or is it just me?  
  
James: (shrug) it's you.  
  
A/N: When I wrote this I was really bored, so I needed something to pick up my spirit… and this is what worked. I hope you liked it! Please review! 


	8. Defense Against the Dark Arts

Passing Notes… No Siriusly  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this Fan Fiction. They belong to J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Okay, I didn't know how I would ever end this, but when I talked about it with my sister she jokingly said, "They can have a paper fiasco." So here goes. It's written partly in regular story form because I think that will make this easier.   
  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
  
"Okay, class, today we're going to learn to defend ourselves against enchanted evil weed eaters," said Professor Wicklothe. The students gave him horrified and confused looks while he pulled out nineteen bucking weed eaters from a burlap sack. He carefully put one on each desk and said, "Now, the charm is--"  
  
Sirius's hand shot up.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Black?" asked Professor Wicklothe with a tone that said, "why are you interrupting me this time?"  
  
"They have a charm for this?"  
  
"Of course they do. Now the charm is--"  
  
James's hand shot up.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" asked Professor Wicklothe venomously.  
  
"I know the charm."  
  
"Well? What is it?"  
  
"It's Backus Weedus Eatus."  
  
"No. Now the charm is--"   
  
"What? James is wrong?" asked Sirius excitedly. "JAMES WAS WRONG EVERYBODY!!!!"  
  
"NO I WASN'T!!! IT'S BACKUS WEEDUS EATUS!!! BACKUS WEEDUS EATUS!!!"  
  
"QUIET!!!!" yelled the Professor. "Now, the charm is-- wait I forgot it. Oh right, the charm is backus weedus eatus!"  
  
"Told you," muttered James.  
  
"I thought you were joking," said Remus.  
  
"Now, let us begin," said Wicklothe. "Please turn on your weed eaters."  
  
Sirius took out a piece of parchment.  
  
"Ah, very good, Mr. Black. Taking notes, I see."  
  
"Actually, I was going to pass a note to James," Sirius gave him an amused look. "I thought you had had enough."  
  
"Well. Very well then. Just turn on you motor first."  
  
"Sure." Sirius flicks the switch on the weed eater. The weed eater rose up into the air like a horse and its motor roared. Then it attacked the paper in Sirius's hand. "Turn it off! Turn it off!"  
  
Professor Wicklothe simply flipped the switch back to off. "Didn't you remember the spell?" he asked quizzically.  
  
"I didn't expect it to jump me!"  
  
"It's an enchanted evil weed eater," answered the Professor in a dreamy voice.  
  
"Did you… take something…" James asked vaguely yet insinuatingly.  
  
"No, of course not. Now turn on your weed eaters, you two."  
  
"I don't trust it anymore. It ate my paper. All of it. Even my homework. Woohoo! Excuse city!" Sirius finished excitedly.  
  
"Well, now you can't pass any notes," said the Professor.  
  
James and Sirius gave each other mischievous grins. "Insanity ensues, my friend," said James. They both threw back their heads and gave loud, prolonged evil laughs.   
  
"No one in this class room is insane."  
  
"I seriously think he took something," said James to Remus.   
  
"Oh, he did. Just before class."  
  
"He must have known we were coming," responded Sirius.  
  
…  
  
A/N: Please review and if you like action/adventure check out The Asterothain. It has a really bad summary, but it's seriously good! At least I think so! I hope you liked this! I had fun writing it!  
  
P.S. : I am addicted to exclamation marks!!!!!!!!! 


	9. Author's Note

A/N: Hi. Just to let you know, I will do a sequel so be expecting it. It will be called "Passing Notes… No Jamesly… Wait". It's about all of the Marauders passing notes at work and in Order of the Phoenix meetings. It may have spoilers for the fifth book, I'm not sure, but I think it will be just as good.  
  
By the way, will someone PLEASE give my other story "The Asterothain" a read? It's really lonely with only four reviews and is getting really good I think… at least that's what I've been told by Lady Taliesin.  
  
Hope you like the sequel but you may have to wait a little longer because I'm having my room re-done and it's getting hectic. Thank you for your many reviews!  
  
Atlantis Blakes 


End file.
